Choosing Recovery Over Performance

I'm still so tired from the let-downs and work overload from this past week...
Now I face the fears of potential failure for the week that follows...
So much work, and definitely not enough time...
I figured, "I don't have time to go to my Al-Anon Adult Children meeting tonight; that's two hours out of my evening that I could be trying to finish my project due tomorrow..."

But right now I am making the decision to choose taking care of myself by taking advantage of an opportunity for even a small increase in sanity...

...and choosing to leave my work for later, resolving that what I do not complete by 10:30pm will become the responsibility of the other 4 members in my group to scramble around and finish sometime tomorrow...

*deep breathe*

I don't like this...

"How Important is it?"

One of Al-Anon's slogans is, "How Important is it?" While I realize it's a tool, like the other slogans, to help aid in detachment from the troubles an alcoholic may cause in one's life, I'm having trouble finding out how to implement this (as well as the other tools) as there is no active alcoholic in my living environment.

The idea of this slogan is particularly perplexing to me when used in connection with the First Step of realizing my life is unmanageable. Well, it's easy for me to consider my life unmanageable (as described in my recent posts where I've talked about how I still can't seem to improve my situation no matter how many things I change about it, and how things not going my way finally led me to my first Al-Anon meeting). So, especially when I'm down about everything seeming so out of control, then how helpful is "how important is it"?

As I continue hearing it, I wonder how I'm supposed to use the tool in a healthy way. I keep seeing myself using it to detach from the things that are getting me down: "how important is it that... ...the sink is full of dishes...boxes are all over the floor ...food is rotting in the fridge ...I don't have enough time to eat before I go to work ...I didn't finish studying ...? etc...." I feel like my implication is not healthy. Yet, I feel like the whole concept of 'detachment' is just a glorified form of 'denial' that at least might give me some peace in the meantime. I don't like that...

I'm still learning how this is supposed to work, but I can't help but feel that 'detaching' is becoming more 'alcoholic.' I feel like my parents only ever said, "how important is it," which resulted in a living situation that looked like this:


This is the view from the front door of my father's living room. My mother's house looked pretty similar, even when my parents were still married.

Not caring about the things that make me anxious makes me feel like I'm clinging to a 'bottle' called 'slogan' that simply helps me to ignore the elements that make my life unmanageable to begin with.

I guess I just don't understand the difference between detachment and apathy....

Where is the happy medium where I can care about things, but not be consumed by them? Everything just seems so intertwined that everything is "important"!

?~?~?~?~?~?~?~?