Quit Monkeying Around...

I am crazy enough to have rationalized that the more alcohol you drink, the more like a monkey you become. I have sometime stated this in other words saying, "you preferring drunkenness tells me you'd rather be a monkey than a human being." My "reasoning" (if you dare call it that) is the subject of this blog post.

Last week, one of my friends sent me an email. She is currently studying abroad in Spain, and has discovered her "partier within." However, she reflects:

"When I think about the times that I have gone out here, or the times when I have been drunk, I feel like I have sacrificed who I actually am. Why would I want that? It's not living my potential."

This made me think of something my boyfriend said a few weeks ago when I was trying (ever so unsuccessfully) to describe my newfound honesty in expressing my feelings in response to him drinking (at all):

"I don't go out to get drunk. I don't like the way I feel when I do."

These remarks reminded me of an incident that happened last year, and caused me to question (again) a line of reasoning I tried to disprove (but not successfully).

Last year, I remember feeling very upset when my boyfriend called me while he was drunk--and when I say "drunk" I mean WOOOOOOOHOOOO! drunk.

It was not the first time it happened, but I noticed myself getting more and more upset each time he'd call with his happy-go-lucky, drunken personality. My mind told me to "cut it out" that he was "just having a good time," and that he was " being completely responsible," but regardless my "logic," I still felt awful.

That particular night, I wanted to find out exactly what made me so upset. This was before I learned anything about ACOAs, but I still figured part of my upset nature was due to my upbringing according to two alcoholic parents. Because I recognized this, I wanted to try extra hard at naming exactly what aspect of my boyfriend being drunk made me feel angry, sad, disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, and hopeless all at the same time.

Trying as hard as I could to step out of my own shoes and strip away any effect parental alcoholism would have on my feelings, I was able to realize a main aspect of what upset me:

When my boyfriend was drunk, I felt like he wasn't himself.

This realization provoked more questioning: why would he not seem like himself?

This was easy to answer. "Because alcohol is a brain-altering drug, and when your brain doesn't function correctly, you don't function as you normally would."

Then I discovered, "hm, I don't remember a lot about alcohol's effects on the brain."

Yay for the Internet. I started with a general search about alcohol's effects and found a nice "Beginner's Guide" article. While the reliability of this source is questionable, I found the following short term effects most interesting--information that is no different than anything I've heard before:

• Impaired Judgment
• Inability to Make Rational Decisions
• Loss of Coordination

I find it interesting that no matter the source, the effects of alcohol become more and more negative with each passing drink. Even if people "seem" happier or "feel" better, every scientific resource describes the effects of alcohol on a person with a negative correlation: the more alcohol, the less benefits--as opposed to: the more drinks the better. In other words, I've never seen any positive statements about alcohol usage past the point where it relaxes you. Yet, it intrigues me how even in this state, judgment is impaired (Mind you, this is said to be the state of mind after about 3 drinks). More negative!

All that aside, I kept finding my distracting feelings reverting to my boyfriend. My thoughts kept pushing them aside: "stop it! he's responsible!" I switched gears and decided I needed to find out exactly what "responsible drinking" meant.

I expected to find different descriptions of "responsible" per different occasions: i.e.: "responsible drinking" would have a different definition for a wedding reception than it would for a dinner party. What I found was that no matter what, "responsible" was across the board. I was shocked when this was confirmed by a website from the UK: men should have no more than 2-3 drinks a day, and women should have no more than 1-2 drinks a day. (Now I realize that the effects a number of drinks have on a person depends on many other factors, but for simplicity's sake, I'll just be referring to the numbers provided.)

Here I was faced with facts that "responsible drinking" entailed anywhere from 1-3 drinks. Therefore, I concluded that if you drink more than 3 drinks, you are being irresponsible. But could this really be true? Hmm, what does "responsible" mean, anyway?

Well, my good friend Dictionary.com has a multitude of definitions. The first one states:

Responsible: answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management

Hmm, so irresponsible would mean being unanswerable or unaccountable or out of control. Right? Pretty much:

Irresponsible: said, done, or characterized by a lack of a sense of responsibility

Alright, so an irresponsible person can't really answer anything because the answers don't matter if the person can't be accountable for them; if the person can't be accountable, then he or she probably can't be trusted on his or her own behalf, or on the behalf of others, especially if the irresponsible person is one who is also out of control.

Why did this sound familiar? Wasn't I only looking at some of the effects of alcohol just before this? What were they again?

• Impaired Judgment--hmm, sounds like the impaired ability to judge, make a statement about something, answer a question...
  
• Inability to Make Rational Decisions--hmm, sounds like irrationality...
  
• Loss of Coordination--hmm, doesn't to coordinate mean to control something in a way? sounds like loss of control...

Wow. I found myself not able to think of things any other way: more than 3 drinks = irresponsible.

But, come on now, why the heck was I looking for information in the first place? That's right, I wanted to know alcohol's effects on the brain.

Alright, the brain. I remember that from fourth grade--cerebellum, cerebrum...uh...

Okay, so I needed to learn more about the parts of the brain and their individual functions. I found a simple picture that had simple descriptions of each section. I was particularly drawn to the functions listed in the frontal lobe: personality, motor skills, emotions, problem solving, and reasoning.

Phew--that seems like a lot! Especially when seeing personality, emotions, and reasoning, I felt like this is, like, everything there is to being human. I remember getting particularly caught on "reasoning" relating that to "intellect" as well as "problem solving," relating that to "making choices."

Now, I tend to look at things with a religious tone to see if it falls in line with science. Bear with me for one second if you aren't into that sort of thing: I remember learning that God gave humans two gifts to set us apart from all other creations: intellect and free will. In a secular sense, I would say these would be the same aspects that set humans apart from animals.

In fact, scientists agree that the frontal lobes of the brain are the "essence of what makes us human." A study conducted by the Center for Neuro Skills was shocking confirmation for this hunch:

"A new study has found the strongest evidence yet that what sets humans apart from other primates may be found in the brain's frontal lobes.."

With the frontal lobes being so important to our very humanity, I could only assume that they would be one of the last areas of the brain to be affected by alcohol, right?

Wrong. The frontal lobe is the first area of the brain affected by alcohol. How many drinks did we say did it take for the frontal lobe's functioning to start failing (see above if you forgot)? Even an online alcohol joke agrees with the 3rd drink being the last before craziness.

So, now I was at this point: frontal lobes = essence of humanity; irresponsible drinking = effects to frontal lobe; getting drunk = willingly sacrificing what makes you human.

So, getting drunk means choosing to be more of a monkey than the rational, intellectual human you were designed to be. I could write ten more pages about the ethics in choosing to do this, which are often overlooked when it's so common for someone to say, "here, take my keys, and make sure you don't give them back to me later." Can you translate that request for me? "Here, take my keys since I will be willingly sacrificing that which designates me as human and won't be able to drive." Sorry...tangent...

Hm, no wonder I was upset when my boyfriend called me drunk. It made me feel like I was in love with a monkey.

PS: Because I realize how crazy all this sounds, I thought I'd check my feeble "reasoning" with a lawyer from Ireland. His response? "Well, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. I can't say I agree with it, but I can't deny your logic, either. Um, yeah, I have no argument."

This didn't help me to feel any less attached to my crazy antics. Is insanity a quality of ACOAs? Maybe we should add that to the list of characteristics...

In any event, if you are an ACOA and you have made the decision to use little to no alcohol, don't feel inferior to the monkeys. If you are an ACOA who is fine with using alcohol, please, be responsible, and be aware that as an ACOA, you are four times as likely to become an alcoholic.

Good luck in all your endeavors this week!

All my love to YOU! (yep, you!)